The Diatribe * net

You can thank the threatening weather for this entry.  If it weren’t for the thunderstorms on the way, I’d be home getting myself mentally ready for my first soccer game of the summer and first in about 6 weeks.  Instead, onto Lithuanian homecooking, decapitated daisies, and snake-licking dogs.

I made it to Swedish Girl’s house around 6:30 pm yesterday to celebrate our one-month anniversary.  I found the table on the backyard deck decorated with rose petals, candles, and the stemless (decapitated) daisies I had recently given Swedish Girl.  I hope this wasn’t an omen for the giver of the daisies.  Upon seeing this lovely display and then being served some tasty Lithuanian dishes, I declared that I didn’t deserve it all.  Swedish Girl deadpanned, "No, you don’t.  Not after a month.  Maybe after a year, yes, but not after a month."  Seeing as how that is something I would say, is there any wonder why we’re together?

We moved through 3 courses, with wine (Cool Jesus was not a fan of the 1992 port wine, so he stuck with his Yellow Tail merlot), took a breather, and then moved onto fruit (raspberries, strawberries, and cherries) with whipped cream.  While Swedish Girl was cleaning up, I went to my car to get my chapstick and gum (I can never be too far from these two items), but on the way, I heard some rustling on the ground.  I bent down to see what made the noise and saw a snake hiding out under some steps.  I called Swedish Girl out to take a look.  The snake was shy and she didn’t believe me at first, but it finally made an appearance, so we were all happy.   We thought that was all we’d be seeing of the serpent for the night, but we were wrong.

A little while later, we were headed to Blockbuster.  The family dog was going to join us and she eagerly ran into the driveway ahead of us.  It just so happened that the snake (it was about 2 feet long and brown, with a yellow stripe on each side) was hanging out right in front of the side door, on the driveway.  The dog thought it was a new friend and gave it a couple of licks.  Swedish Girl and I were horrified, thinking the worst would happen.  She simultaneously slammed the door and yelled at the dog to move away, but the dog didn’t budge.  She stood there looking at the frozen snake wondering why it wasn’t moving.  I opened the door and Swedish Girl grabbed the dog’s collar and redirected her away from the snake, which slithered back underneath the steps.

After the commotion, once the dog was in the car, I went to look for the snake, but only a toad popped out.  I wonder if the toad was about to be the snake’s food?  This was easily the best entertainment of the night, considering we rented Suspect Zero, with Ben Kingsley and Carrie Ann Moss.  I had never even heard of it before and now I know why.  It was a thriller that didn’t thrill.  Swedish Girl fell asleep while I stubbornly waited for the scary parts.  They didn’t come.  Ben Kingsley should be ashamed of himself.  He doesn’t even know how Americans pronounce missile.  It’s "missul," Ben.  Not "miss-syle."  I knew we should have watched In Good Company first. 

Up next - birthday karaoke!