The Diatribe * net

Okay, so I'm officially done with roommates.com.  I found a new message in my in-box this morning and my hopes were high.  Afterall, it is almost September 1 and we're still in need of a roommate.  The initial message from Janet Lauren was brief and credible, so I emailed her.  This gibberish below then found its way into my email.  She must be related to the Australian freak from yesterday.  Just read on...

My "unique" roommate Nurse Mandy moved out last month and I'm still looking for a replacement. ??To be honest with you, I haven't taken this process seriously. ??J.Lee signed me/us up for a membership with roommates.com, but I didn't actually look at my account until today. ??Big mistake. ??I didn't know that potential roommates were actually emailing me at my roommates.com account. ??One of them seems to have already found a place and??I emailed another guy, but the latest seeker has sent Petro and I into a stake of shock/laughter/fright. ??Just read on. ??I've changed this poor freak's name to protect myself from near-certain stalking. ??I've also included some running commentary between Petro and I. ??Please keep in mind I have not altered his message in any way.


-----Original Message-----
From: ??Cool Jesus
To: Petro
Subject: RE: funny
23 Aug 2005 ??04:56 PM
Look at this f-cking FREAK who responded to the roommates.com ad. I am f-cking speechless...

Hey, I am writing just to confirm if you still have the room for rent..............If YES Please I will like to have answers to the following questions below:
1) I will like to have the description of the room, size, and the equipments in there.
2) I will like to have the rent fee per month plus the utilities.
3) Also I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over.
4) I will also be coming with some of my furniture, that is if it is allowed, like bed, book shelf cos I read alot, shoe rank etc
5) I will also like to know if I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival that will be stand as a kind of commitment that I am truely coming over and for you to hold the room down for me.
6) If the #5 questions is YES, I will like to know the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit.
7) I will like to know the major intersection nearest your neighborhood.
like shopping mall, bus line e.t.c

Lastly, I will like to know more about you and also I will like to have your pics as for me to know how my roommate to be looks like.

I will be very glad to have all this questions answered with out leaving a stone unturned... Here is all I can say about my self for now. I am 30 years old and I work full time,, Monday through Friday and have weekends off exept for once a month. I was born in Ft. Worth, Texas, but I was brought up in Australia. I moved to Australia 20 years ago after the death of my father, one of my cousin who live and work in Australia took me there for my studies since my mother cannot take care of me after my father's demise.I work in a retirement home as the Activity Director.I am not really a sports person,, BUT I do love basketball Games. I am a VERY out going person and fun to be with. I do play the organ and piano,, and I do have BOTH piano and organ here at my house.I am not a drinker and I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I think you will like living here and YES I would like to go out with you on weekends and weeknights when we are both free. I like going to movies,, concerts ,, plays,,I like camping, hiking, bike ridding, swimming, and I love to travel.
I am a very dedicated individual who is totally committed to human development, friendly, very trustworthy and value relationship above anything.I love travelling,sporting and enjoy meeting people around the world.I am an easy going person and like to have an apartment/roommate who is very responsible and understanding, someone I can really get along with.
I will take my time to get you one of my pics in two days time for you to know how I look like, I am sure you will like me.

I am presently in Adeliade, Australia and I will be moving to the state to fully to start a new life and get my own business after 10 years of service for the retirement home in Australia.... I will be staying in your apartment for a A YEAR or More.

I will be arriving the state on before 5th of september......Fortunately, I saw your advert and I am sincerely interested in the room as advertised I need answers to my 8 questions above as soon as possible so as to arrange for you to get the money prior for my arrival as the company I worked for before I quit wants to arrnage for the payment. As I will like to make an advance payment ahead my arrival so that you can be rest assured that this is real since I am not in the state presently.

If you think I will be a good roommate to you and you are interested in roomie with me kindly email me directly to my private email box at insertfreaknamehere@yahoo.com This is very important cos I don't really upgrade my roommate account.

Thanks and have a good time.
Warmest Regards,
Peeking Through Your Windows At Night

??????