Hello again. Sorry about the extended absence. I sank into a brief period of non-creativity, which I made worse by my desire to only return to blogging if I had a great entry. Then I finally said ’screw that’ and here I am giving you the random ponderables that have emmanated from my head in these past two weeks. Ramble on…
Happy 39th birthday to Ben Folds!
I hate starting off telling a story that I think is amusing, only to realize (often due to the glazed expressions of those I’m trying to entertain) that the story is a dud. I think there are three options in this case: (1) soldier on, telling the story as it is and if the audience didn’t care for it, then so be it; (2) embellish the story, trying to get a cheap laugh; or (3) toss in the obligatory "you had to be there" at the conclusion of your failed tale.
Since last year when the Red Sox picked up Lenny Di Nardo, I’ve had great personal satisfaction imagining that his full name is Leonardo. Leonardo Di Nardo. I don’t even want to know if it’s just Leonard. I will die happy just living in my own world in which a man named Leonardo Di Nardo pitches for the Sox.
Speaking of Major League names…is there any gayer sounding name than the unfortunately labeled Terry Tiffee of the Minnesota Twins? That’s rough.
Hats off to the person who switched all the EXIT signs from red lighting to green lighting. It only makes sense – red means stop and green means go. If you want people to flee via a certain door in the case of an emergency, why mark it with bright red lights? Green is so much more inviting, friendly, and proper.
Captain Larby’s bachelor party begins in just 4 days. The enormity of this is just beginning to sink in.
I have the RSVP for Captain and Angela’s wedding sitting right here on my desk. The enormity of this has in no way begun to sink in yet. By the way, am I supposed to write something inside this RSVP card? I thought about writing "Can’t wait!" but decided against it. I’ll just send it in blank.
Where would I be without email and the ability to email the co-workers I like to bitch about the co-workers I don’t like or the ones who annoy me? Some of the nicknames we’ve come up with to secretly diss these annoyances are: Mommy Dearest, aka Dorito, aka Dorkeen; Big Pappy, aka Grabby McFree, aka Sticky Fingaz, aka Sunshine Band; Silverchair, aka Eric Williams; Cloudwalker; Roundy; The Scalpel; Tequila; Master Debator; Lovah; and For Me. Yes, I’m going to Hell in a handbasket.
It’s comforting to know that the NFL will always provide us with a horsefaced jackass star quarterback. I’m too young to know who pre-dated John Elway, but he ruled the roost for the 1980s and 1990s, and now we are blessed with Peyton Manning. Oats anyone?
My friend Lisa had a Hawaiian-themed party during Labor Day weekend. My dad showed up in a fierce Hawaiian shirt that my mom (of course) helped him pick out. My dad was clearly not comfortable in this shirt, so whenever he went over to say hello to someone, he’d say, "Isn’t this gay?!? I feel so gay!"
I woke up yesterday morning with a major headache. This eventually progressed to nausea, shaking, slight dizziness, and I’ll spare the rest. I wondered if I had been bitten by a mosquito and infected with either Eastern Equine Encepholitis (EEE) or West Nile Virus. After I was feeling better later in the day, I shared my earlier fears with Swedish Girl. She said that EEE kills you in eight days. I did the quick math and said, "okay, that will allow me to enjoy [Captain Larby's] bachelor party this weekend and then I can die happy." This sentiment was not fully appreciated by Swedish Girl, but it should underscore for y’all just how much I’m looking forward to this. Captain’s all growns up.
