I lived the life for four months.  Man, it was sweet.  I walked around in my boxers, cranked up the stereo at 6:30 in the morning, and didn’t have to compromise with anyone.  I’ve now been thrust into a new routine.  It’s been less than 24 hours, but I miss my freedom already.  My two old roommates moved out over the summer and I had primarily had the house to myself for four months.  Sure, Petro moved in in September, but he has his own floor, so I was able to maintain my routine and protect my space.  Last night, a third roommate, Hulk, moved in and the adjustment is going to take me a little while.

I haven’t had to discuss morning shower routines since May or June, but I did just that last night.  As a man, I don’t have a plethora of shower products, but what I do have had been spread across the four corners of my tiny bathroom.  Last night, I had to rein in that apparatus (towel, shampoo, soap dish, et al.) and watch as Hulk’s apparatus appeared before my very eyes. 

Our cozy kitchen has the added feature of a pantry.  Just one more thing on my list to clear out so Hulk will have space for his food and dishware.  Same for the refrigerator, which seems to already be full of Petro’s and my food.  Yet, like it or not, we’ll have to consolidate and make room for Hulk.

Sure, these are small concessions.  I don’t mean to whine about them, but hey, this is The Diatribe, remember?  It would be difficult for anyone to readjust to a new routine after four months of nirvana.  I’m trying to look on the bright side and remember that my rent will decrease, along with my heat, electric, and cable TV bills.  So what if I have to put some clothes on when I balance my checkbook, right?

Now, if he’s sitting in my chair watching my TV when I get home, heaven help me…

On my drive into work a couple of weeks ago, I saw a dead wild turkey on the side of the road.  It was odd to see such a large bird reduced to roadkill.  That ignomious end usually reserved for small rodents and dumb animals.  However, turkeys are allegedly as dumb as they come.  Nonetheless, it’s not their fault.  I also saw nearly half a dozen dead deer on the side of the highways of Connecticut and New York a couple of weeks ago.  Deer are not dumb animals.  No, it’s our fault.  We’re taking their land and building shopping malls and superhighways on it.  Here’s a piece in the local Canton (Massachusetts) Journal (on townline.com) that would turn Morrissey white hot with animal rights rage, especially when one considers how WE pushed the turkeys out of their natural habitat, WE fed them and trained them to linger in a residential neighborhood, and now WE are killing them.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t enjoy our turkeys on Thanksgiving.  I’m just saying that we have to stop fucking up the delicate balance between man, beast, and nature.  It’s already too late for many, many species of flora and fauna.  Let’s not wipe them all out, especially considering how WE are the ones most deserving of endangerment.

Three of the Chapman turkeys killed
By Shannon Haley Daggett/ Staff Writer
Friday, November 18, 2005

On Tuesday, a commercial trapper shot three turkeys with arrows after officials called for action due to numerous complaints that the turkeys were threatening human safety in the Chapman Street area.

"I don’t enjoy this, and I hope the rest of the turkeys move on because they don’t see this as a safe area anymore," said Animal Control Officer Ellen Barnett.

Last week, Barnett said two male toms were the aggressors in this group of turkeys, around a dozen or two, and removing these two may take care of the problem. One of the male toms was killed Tuesday, along with another young male and a female who was caught in the crossfire.

The three turkeys were disposed, Barnett said, instead of used for food.

"We don’t know what they’ve been eating, and to be on the safe side" they were disposed, she said.

The turkeys came to the Chapman Street area about a year ago, said Selectman Victor Del Vecchio, who lives on Chapman Street.

"What started as a charming anecdote turned into a public safety issue," he said last week.

Del Vecchio said he favored relocating them but realized that option wasn’t a reality.

According to Jim Cardoza, a wildlife biologist for Massachusetts Division of Wildlife and Fisheries, the two toms were chasing down people on Chapman Street.

"We’re not going to relocate an animal to another area that is aggressive," he said.

The turkeys reportedly never physically harmed a person.

The turkeys claimed the Chapman Street area as their territory because people were feeding them, Barnett said.

"People would sit in traffic and feed the turkeys out of the car window," she said. "If people would have listened and not feed the wildlife, this would not have happened."

Barnett said she loves wildlife and this situation was tough.

"They’re (turkeys) beautiful animals who belong in the woods," she said. "But we’re not leaving too many woods."

ACO hopes remaining turkeys move on.