Newsflash
Newsflash to all English speakers out there: What you’re trying to say is "other" or "another." There is no such word as nuther. It doesn’t fucking exist. Look it up in any dictionary. If you find it, let me know. Until then, drop the nuther (I vomited just typing it) and speak like someone who made it out of second grade.
Newsflash to radio stations that start playing 24/7 Christmas music in mid-November: You’re all going to hell. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you, but it’s right there in the Bible. It’s also in Dante’s Inferno. Satan is reserving a special (and deep!) circle of hell for you. So, I hope you feel it’s worth it. Seriously, can we enjoy Thanksgiving first before moving on to Commercialmas? Please. Is this too much to ask. I am fine with the canon of Thanksgiving tunes being limited to Arlo Guthrie and Adam Sandler.
Newsflash to my co-worker three cubes away: You’re retarded. Utterly retarded. I can hear you on the phone with your boyfriend, your dog, your mommy, and your gynecologist. Before you have personal phone calls that the entire office can hear, you should probably learn how to pronounce the word "specific." It sure as hell isn’t pacific.
Newsflash: The new Yogurt Burst Cheerios are very good. Cool Jesus loves cold cereal and this cereal earns the Cool Jesus Seal of Approval.
Newsflash to shopping malls: You suck. You decorate yourselves in Christmas trim before Halloween and play non-stop Christmas carols from November onward. All in the name of selling us ridiculously marked up merchandise. Peace and goodwill toward man? Yeah right. Say ‘hi’ to the radio stations on your way to hell.
Newsflash: This is (American) Thanksgiving week and I want to thank all our readers out there. Tell your friends. Oh, and while you’re here, drop us a comment. I’m thrilled to have readers from all over the world, so please tell us how you found our little site. Happy Thanksgiving!
