In true Cool Jesus fashion, I am donning my annual winter beard. I would have begun the beard renewal program earlier, but I gladly kept a cleanly shaven visage for the Captain and Mrs. Captain Larby nuptials. In fact, I was in such a regular shaving routine, that I shaved once or twice after the wedding. Still, it’s been over 4 weeks and if you know Cool Jesus, you know that he can cultivate a pretty mean beard in 4 weeks.
In that spirit, I created a “game” that only I knew about, called What’s With the Beard? The rule was that the game would end when one person would ask me, “what’s with the beard?” or some equivalent thereof. I expected this person to be a friend or co-worker of mine. Someone that I could let in on the joke/game and have some fun with. As it turned out, the game ended yesterday when a close friend of Swedish Girl took the game to new heights. She didn’t so much ask “what’s with the beard?” Rather, she exclaimed, “Wow! That’s quite a beard!” I sort of mumbled something like, “yeah, it keeps my face warm in the wintertime, you know.”
She then upped the ante and obliterated What’s With the Beard? by continuing further, “It’s long enough. You should really trim it.” I was, once again, caught off guard and started to mumble, “yeah, well, maybe soon…I don’t know,” but then Swedish Girl came to my rescue and stated for the record that it looks fine and she likes it. Case closed.
So, the beard continues even if the game does not. And if you don’t like it, then let me remind you that my face will be 9.6 degrees warmer than yours, so there!
Mrs. Larby is begging me to regrow the beard I rocked in 2004 (which, by the way, was the reason the Sox pulled it off). Now that I know CJ grew his out I’m going to have to hurry to get mine out before New Year’s. Doesn’t Harry Potter have a spell for growing hair?
I thought that the sox pulled it off as a result of the Mayor of Hoboken’s great stolen base.
Join the club, Captain. The perks are phenomenal. When I see a fellow bearded man on the street, we nod, smile, and share in the mutual admiration that is only found in The Beard Club. It’s even slightly better than The Long Hair Club.
As for you, LTJ, I’m hoping you’ll bring back Evil LTJ this New Year’s Eve. Your old goatee has the power to transform your unthreatening face into a face of evil like no other I’ve seen…except for when Matt Perry (aka Chandler Bing) was addicted to painkillers, lost 60 pounds, and grew a terrifying goatee. Good times.
Such a move on my part would surely put me on Miss Possible’s blacklist.
Oh man, I completely forgot about evil LTJ. Dude, you honestly scared the hell out of me with that thing. Leave your face alone, my friend.
I forgot to mention that I am bummed out about the number of white hairs in my beard. I did not have this problem last year, but now, still a couple of years shy of 30, a hearty dose of salt has been added to my pepper.
So, does that mean Mr. Cool Jesus, is actually looking more like Mr. Cool Claus? How festive!
Yes, pretty close. I was at the mall the other day and some little kid tried to sit on my lap.
F beards and F Johnny Damon.
There’s definitely going to be a diatribe about my Johnny thoughts today.
I agree – F Johnny Damon. F him hard. Like ‘American History X’ style. He was directly quoted this autumn as saying that he would never sign with the Yankees and that he was not interested in signing with the highest bidder. Liar. Traitor. Whore.
Does this mean, Captain Larby, that you will not be rocking a beard this winter?