I can’t say I’ve been one-half of a couple for very many Christmases. I am thrilled to high heaven to be celebrating Noel with Swedish Girl this year. Coupledom has many perks. However, in true Cool Jesus fashion, I’ve stumbled upon one of the negatives of being one-half of a couple at Christmastime: nosy people.
At least 10 people have asked me what I’m getting Swedish Girl for Christmas. What is the deal with these motherfucking busybodies? What difference does it make what the fuck I get her for Christmas? Nobody ever seemed to care what I was getting my mom, my dad, or my sister. Yet everyone just has to know what I’m getting Swedish Girl. Luckily, my esteemed colleagues here at The Diatribe have not posed this question, or this entry would be rather difficult.
I never ask what other couples are getting each other. To me, it’s a personal matter between them and if they want to openly share such details, then the decision is theirs.
My mother has asked me, but I give her a free pass because she’s my mom and because she was looking for ideas for Swedish Girl herself.
Several friends have asked me, but the kicker was the woman who cuts my hair. I barely know this woman. I’ve only been to her twice and I didn’t even like her haircuts, so I may not make it a third time. I make no apologies for feeling this way. Since I share some rather personal things here on a web log, you might be surprised to learn that I am a private person and I guard my privacy closely. Swedish Girl had just been discussing how nosy people are, because her boss asked her what she was getting me for Christmas. And then, just minutes later, the woman who butchers my hair asked me what I was getting Swedish Girl. I almost snapped, but I thought at the time that it was mostly because she took 3 inches off when I asked for a half-inch.
So, if you know what’s good for you, don’t ask Cool Jesus what he’s getting his girlfriend for Christmas. In fact, have some class and refrain from asking anyone this question. It isn’t your business and merely asking makes you look low-class.
Well of course your hairdresser asked you the question.. that’s what hairdressers do.. they get paid to ask you nosy questions about your life..
That’s why I go to a deaf, mute barber.