I’m not a movie reviewer, not by any means. Don’t get me wrong, I like films. I like going to the theater, renting movies, watching them on TV, but.. I’m not really a connoisseur, but rather just the average movie watcher. Like most things in life, I know what I like, and what I don’t. That being said, I’ve realized that there’s pretty much just two types of movies: Those that are worth watching, and those that aren’t.
Deep down I’ve known this for quite some time. I’ve often told people “Yeah, it’s worth the watch” or “Don’t waste you time with that one,” but this past weekend I actually feel as though I developed something of a system for categorizing films that allows me to give me opinion of the film in a fashion that will allow people to judge for themselves, whether or not to watch something.
Simple as it is, most rating systems do not provide this type of subjectivity. Most media outlets, for instance, use a four or five star rating system. This system is great for examining the true merit of a film, often does not hold true to the “worth the watch” philosphy. Take one film I would highly recommend to anyone: Old School. This film did pretty poorly in the media, and when it was released in the theaters. Even Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 59%. For most people I know, this is one of the funniest films of the past few years.
Then there are those films that are really note-worthy films. Films that end up on the Academy Awards list that you may (or may not have) heard of like “The World’s Fastest Indian” or “Brokeback Mountain” that are truly amazing pieces of art captured on film that reviewers go crazy over. These types of movies, while usually amazing, are not the ones that people put down on their list as their “favorite movies ever!” Those are the “Old Schools” of the cinema world. My rating system will eliminate a lot of this ambiguity. My system is based on a 1-10 scale.
| Rating | Description |
| 1 | These films are the bottm of the barrel. Let’s just say that nothing really survives down here. These are the films that you’d only go to see because you want to see how bad they really are. Gigli or Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo come to mind. |
| 2 | These films are not much different from a 1. They’re last resort films. These are the films that you’ll watch on an airplane because you would rather watch this, than the person across the aisle blow their nose a few more times. Garfield, The Movie is an example of a film that would deserve a 2 rating |
| 3 | Films at this level are still on the sub-par category. These are still films that you would not watch if you had the choice, but for some reason you are drawn to them. They are not really worth watching, but it’s 3:00am and you flip on HBO and get sucked into a movie. You’re in the trance, but at the end of it all, you really regret staying awake for a few hours to watch the film. A great example is The Dreamers that aired I ended up watching for 2 hours on HBO last month. |
| 4 | While movies with a four are still not worth watching, they’re on the cusp. What might not be worth it to you, may be worth it to someone else. Personally, I felt that Alexander, despite all the special effects, was not really worth watching. If you rented it, you might like it.. but if someone asked me, I’d say “Ehh.. I didn’t really like it, but you might.” It’s one of those types of movies. | 5 | This is the turning point. At 5, these are movies that after 2 hours of your time you concede “Ehh.. it was worth the watch.” Planet of the Apes might be a good example. Not a good quality film, by any means — but it was still worth a watch for the special effects, etc. Not something you’ll think about all week, but, it’s worth the $3 from the video store. |
| 6 | Films that are worthy of a six are not only films that are worth watching, but you might even jump into a conversation about them. You’d add your two cents and say “Yeah, I saw that.. not bad, I’d check it out if you haven’t seen it.” It’s not really a recommendation, but it’s a film worth mentioning. I’d probably put “Phonebooth in this category. It was a noteworthy film — that it was definitely worth a watch, but not something that would come to mind immediately. Two other examples would be War of the Worlds and The Kingdom of Heaven which I just watched this past weekend, |
| 7 | Seven is the recommendation point. The turning point at which a film becomes something more than a way to kill a few hours into a film you’d suggest other people waste a few hours. Ocean’s Eleven certainly falls into this category. Great film, I recommend it to anyone — but yet there are still a lot better movies out there. Just in case you’re interested, I’d put Ocean’s Twelve as a six. |
| 8 | Any film that is an eight, would be a film that you would highly recommend. These films are the ones that you become aghast when someone says they haven’t seen it. Pirates of the Caribbean, The Aviator , or Ameilie are only a few films that I would rate an 8. |
| 9 | Nines are tough. There’s a very fine line between 9′s and 10′s, and that’s truly in the eye of the beholder. It’s almost like a 5.996 on the uneven bars, or something. Close to perfect, but not quite. These are your favorite films, but not your all-time favorites. Nines can fluctuate over time, year-over-year even. Sin City or Kill Bill Volume 1 would be some of my 9′s. |
| 10 | The cream of the crop. These are your all-time favorite films. When someone asks you “What is your favorite movie?” one of your 10′s would come to mind. I have quite a few 10′s, and you can actually even classify them. I have a drama 10 (Magnolia), a comedy 10 (The Big Lebowski or Fargo) as well as a few adventure 10′s (Gladiator, The Matrix, and Lord of the Rings Trilogy). |
While I’m not trying to change the world’s movie rating systems. I’m more just trying to explain some of my ideas for movie ratings, and my philisophy. If everyone rated movies in a similar fashion, it would make it much easier to decide whether or not to watch a film. Listening to the common responses “Ehh, it was ok, ” or “Yeah, it was good,” are so vague. What does that mean? My system would change all that.
Disagree with one of my ratings? Want to share some of your own? Feel free to comment!
