The Diatribe * net

My dad wanted a monkey when he was younger, before he and my mom had kids.  My mom wouldn’t allow it because she heard they can be unruly and messy.  Well, they never saw the monkeys I saw on the news last night.

CBS premiered Love Monkey last night, so it was hardly a coincidence that Boston’s Channel 4 news at 11 pm ran a story about a helper monkey.  Incidentally, I was doing tearing my apartment apart looking for a DVD, so I didn’t get to fully watch the whole hour of Love Monkey.  However, there probably aren’t many people out there who like Judy Greer and Tom Cavanaugh more than I, so I hope the show succeeds.  Anyway, when Channel 4 cut to reporter Scott Wahle with a monkey on his shoulder before going to commercial, I rolled my eyes and groaned.  It’s a major pet peeve of mine how the news shows all these fluff pieces.  BBC news doesn’t do this, so why do the national and local news stations do it here?  You’re telling me you can’t find enough news to fill 22 minutes? 

The three-minute story about these monkeys was heartwarming, hilarious, and inspiring.  A company trains monkeys to assist diabled individuals so they can lead more normal lives at home.  It costs $35,000 to train each monkey and, so far, 100 have been placed with disabled people across the U.S.  First, they showed a monkey with its new owner, a quadriplegic, and this monkey can do everything.  The guy aims a laser pointer at what he wants the monkey to bring him, says “fetch” and other words of encouragement, and that little guy snaps into action.  He can turn on the TV, put your eyeglasses on you, bring you a bottle of water AND put in a straw, and he can even turn on the stereo and put in a CD!

I had never been a fan of monkeys before, but if I ever come into some money, I’m getting one of these trained little guys.  The disabled owner sounded so grateful to not only have someone to help him around the house, but to have a companion.  And according to the experts who train these monkeys, they are extremely loyal and love having human companionship.  The sight that made me almost lose it was when a monkey hopped into the sink and began giving himself a bath.  A clean, sweet-smelling, cute little friend who will sit on your shoulder and watch TV with you - what more do you need?