Archive for February, 2006

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From the Deep Recesses of My Mind

February 23rd, 2006

I don’t trust anyone that is overly religious.

I don’t trust anyone that is an atheist.

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t drink (recovering alcoholics notwithstanding).

I don’t trust anyone who drinks way too much (myself notwithstanding).

Speaking rationally, calmly, and maturely to a person who is trying to get you to stoop to their level and exchange f-bombs is a sure-fire way to win the argument and maintain your dignity.

Correcting someone’s pronunciation or language usage in conversation is a sure-fire way to annoy them.  Correcting someone via email doesn’t go over much better.

Being able to dance to your very own ”our song” with your significant other is a beautiful thing.

Flowers and gifts on St. Valentine’s Day go over big.  Flowers and gifts in September go over even bigger.

Watching a 401(k) grow can become addictive.

I wonder if watching Jeopardy! helps make me smarter.

I wonder if watching everything else makes me dumber.

Even when The Price is Right gives away nice cars, they seem to be lesser models without all the bells and whistles.  Why is this?  What’s the point of giving away a huge pickup truck that doesn’t even have four-wheel drive? 

I’m throroughly enjoying hearing all the TV people mispronouncing Slutskaya because they’re afraid to say “slut.”

Addendum:  While driving on the highway, never remain behind a vehicle with anything strapped onto it or behind it.  At least Final Destination 2 was good for something.

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Posted in Life

Turn the radio up..

February 22nd, 2006

According to a random site on the Web (always a credible source, I know), the number one song on the day I was born was:

May 11, 1978: “If I Can’t Have You” by Yvonne Elliman.

I can’t say I even know this song. I might have to look it up on iTunes tonight. Go ahead, give it a shot, and add your #1 song to this post.

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Posted in Music

You can call me Ben… or Jerry for that matter

February 21st, 2006

Well, maybe it’s not quite there yet.. but yesterday was my first experience in Ice Cream production. This has been a thought of mine for quite some time now, and thanks to my father, I’ve recently received an Ice Cream Maker that allows me to start this dream.

Well, my first attempt at making this tasty frozen treat (Heavenly Hash) was somewhat of a flop. It tastes good, but it’s not exactly ice cream. The problem (of course) is the lack of real milk and cream… but I’ll work that out. Just need the right ingredients and the right recipe — and it’ll come with time — wait and see.

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Posted in Life

More on those Geek Guys

February 17th, 2006

I can’t believe it. More proof that the Geek Squad is even more incompetent than I expected. I just received a phone call, no less than five minutes ago, that went something like this:

LTJ: Hello

Geek Squad: Hello Sir, this is _____ calling from the Geek Squad at Best Buy. I’m calling about your MP3 player. Did you have one serviced at Best Buy?

LTJ: Yes, I did actually.

Geek Squad: Well, I’m calling to let you know that I have it here, and it has been repaired. I’m not sure why nobody has called you yet, as you’re on our “Call List” [Aside: Which must be pretty long if they're just getting to me now], and your MP3 player is ready to be picked up. It says here you dropped it off in December.

LTJ: Yes, I did. However, back in January that was the fourth time that I had dropped it off, and I was given a new one after quite a bit of headache.

Geek Squad: I’m sorry about that sir. So, I can close this case then, you’ve received your new MP3 player?

LTJ: Yes, I have. You can close it.

Geek Squad: Thank you, sir — and you shouldn’t be receiving any more calls from us in the future.

[Thank God!]

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Posted in Life, Technology

Lights, Lights, Baby

February 16th, 2006

The neighbor who lives across the street from me is a scary man.  As far as I know, he’s unemployed and a felon.  His wife supports the family (they have two young children) and some say it’s because he’s under house arrest, ankle GPS tracking device and all.  A couple of summers ago, he used a garden hose to beat an elderly neighbor so badly, that the old man had to be hospitalized.  [And this was after he was already under this alleged house arrest for a previous felony.]  A broken nose and a headful of cuts and bruises were just some of the injuries.  Why did he beat up this man?  Typical suburban neighbor stuff, like shrubs creeping over the property line, or something.  You know, a good enough reason to kick the ass of a man who can’t defend himself.

This guy has never bothered me.  He once called the cops on my housemates and I, which wasn’t cool, but we were being loud out on the (enclosed) front porch past 1am.  His house is really nice, too.  He puts out some, but not too many, lights for just about every occasion.  His Christmas star atop the chimney can be see from quite a distance.  His Halloween display, complete with scary sounds and music, draws trick-or-treaters from all over town, and his current set up (for St. Valentine’s Day?) resembles the star lights from the bowling alley in The Big Lebowski. 

That leads me to my main point – the other lights.  He has two or three very bright spotlights mounted on the lawn and pointed at…nothing in particular.  I know a lot of people shine spotlights to show off a fancy lawn ornament or a Christmas wreath on the door, but this guy is spotlighting a baby oak tree and a bare gray fence.  It’s just odd and it never ceases to catch my eye.  I stand there, in a slight trance, just shaking my head.  It’s as if I’m on a mission, Where’s Waldo? style, to find what he’s trying to show off.

People in suburbia do strange things.

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Posted in Suburbia

Happy Birthday Diatribe!

February 15th, 2006

First Cake
I can’t believe I missed this. February 11th Marked the one-year anniversary of The Diatribe. How exciting! One year of Blogging, and still going strong. Happy Friggin Birthday Diatribe, and let’s hope there are many more to come.

And here’s the Very First Post made on the Diatribe. My how time flies!

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Posted in House Keeping

And while you’re at it, hold the blimps too

February 15th, 2006

Luxury Hotel in Air
Since we’re talking about things I wouldn’t do — how’s this for one. There’s a new Ferry in town, and this one floats in the sky. This beast of a dirigible, funded by the Worldwide Aeros Corporation of California is planning to take flight by 2010. Called the “Aeroscraft,” this vehicle is designed to be the envy of anyone travelling from continent to continent.

The craft would have a range of several thousand miles and, with an estimated top speed of 174 mph, could traverse the continental U.S. in about 18 hours. During the flight, passengers would peer at national landmarks just 8,000 feet below or, if they weren’t captivated by the view, the cavernous interior would easily accommodate such amenities as luxury staterooms, restaurants, even a casino.

Yeah.. Sounds nice, but isn’t that what they had in mind with the Hidenburg or the Titanic had in mind? No thanks. I’ll stick to air travel using those old fashioned 747′s – Thank you very much.

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Posted in Technology