Archive for October, 2006

The Day They Killed Recess

October 17th, 2006

My brother-in-law just forwarded me this article about a nearby town that decided to ban all contact during recess. Reading the article instantly sent me back to my halcyon recess days from first grade through fifth grade. Once we hit sixth grade, of course, our recess time was briefer and became more of a boy-chases-girl social setting than a time and place to get sweaty and dirty. It’s too bad these kids will never get to even play two-hand tag football during recess.

We used to play Killer Spud with raquet balls and tennis balls. We also played a game where some brave kid would run parallel to a brick wall and about 15-20 kids would get to pelt him with raquet/tennis balls. I don’t remember what we called this game, but running the wall was the only way you gained any respect in the schoolyard. And when it rained outside one day and we had recess in the gym, we made up a game called Footsweep. We’d run around at full speed, slide, and take someone’s legs out when they weren’t looking (because they were too busy frantically looking the other way for attacking Footsweepers). Naturally, we all got in trouble and Footsweep was banned. That’s when boys were boys.

Nobody broke any bones or lost any eyes playing Killer Spud, Footsweep, or almost-tackle football. We had fun, we let out all the stress from school, and we learned to toughen up and impress the girls who were always watching us. I feel bad for these kids that have to grow up in an over-protected world.

Out of Office

October 13th, 2006


LTJ and Miss Possible are currently out of the office as we travel galavant around the Massachusetts area. We will return to our regularly scheduled blogging (or at least LTJ will) upon arriving in sunny Santa Clara, California next week.

The exact date of our return is dependent upon the Internet access available at the new apartment. Our sincerest apologies for any inconvience and we encourage your return to read about the further adventures of Cool Jesus during our absence.

Thank you and have a great day,

LTJ and Miss Possible

ps. This probably should have been posted last week..
ppss. Read: We’re on vacation — leave us alone.

How I Met Your Mother

October 11th, 2006

Cool Jesus is reaching out. I know The Diatribe has a decent number of readers out there who can help me. Monday night was going to be a good night. Not only entertaining (one of my current top five favorite shows, How I Met Your Mother, was on), but productive (I was doing some long overdue ironing). Fate had other plans, however; just as the clock struck 8 pm, we lost power. A transformer blew up right outside my building and my entire neighborhood was shut down. It’s always fun when the power goes out because I get to light candles and live like the olden days, and then I grab my flashlight and run outside to find out what happened. However, it is not fun when it happens just as one of your current top five favorite shows is about to start.

But I digress. Surely, there is someone out there who can help me by recapping the events of the episode. Please. My week just hasn’t been the same without finding out what is going on with Ted, Robin, Barney, Marshall, and Lily. Suit up! and help out a friend.

Discovery

October 9th, 2006

I’m not a Christopher Columbus scholar, but why the hell are we still celebrating Columbus Day??? Let’s celebrate the guy who “discovered” a massive continent (or two) that had already been inhabited for millenia!!! What a guy! The fool didn’t even know where the hell he was. Oh, and he purposely used germ warfare to kill off the native inhabitants by giving them contaminated blankets (isn’t that terrorism?) you say? Well, then we’d be foolish for not shutting down federal, state, and local offices, schools, banks, and businesses to honor such a fine man! Thank goodness this guy discovered the Americas. Gee, I don’t think anyone would have ever found these hundreds of millions of acres without him.

And on a serious note, Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian brothers and sisters to the north. Jones.

The Plumber

October 7th, 2006

Over the last couple of months, I have been dealing with a leaky bathroom faucet. It’s not the simple, typical drip from the spiggot. Rather, it leaks from the top of the faucet assembly onto the vanity. Seeing as how there was such a list of things that we needed the landlord to fix when we moved in, this was put on the backburner. But the landlord has taken care of the bigger issues and without anything else to worry about, we became increasingly annoyed with the pools of water all over the vanity. The landlord’s personal plumber arrived this morning to fix it, but all he did was serve me a fixin’ of attitude.

He was 100%, even 1000%(!!!) sure that this particular Delta washerless faucet could not possibly leak the way I described it. In turn, I was 100% sure that I had seen it leak with my own eyes. We stood there in my tiny bathroom staring at the running faucet and I was just waiting for the leak to do its thing. And it didn’t. I could tell the plumber was loving this. He kept repeating the part about being an expert and knowing that a Delta washerless faucet cannot leak that way and as he was raising his voice and throwing his hands up, I started to raise my voice. What can you do when you’re arguing with someone who is certain that he’s right, even when you’re certain that you’re right?

He pretty much accused me of calling him a liar when I merely held my ground and told him that, no, the standing water was not caused by our own sloppiness. So, we let the water run and he enjoyed every drop. “I’m abusing it now!” he shouted as he frantically turned the hot and cold water on and off, faster and slower. “See! Abusing! Abusing! And abusing!” He walked away in disgust and said, “Hey, my man, I’ll wait 10 minutes and we’ll see if it does anything.” I thought that was fair, but a mere 60 seconds later, he grabbed his tools, headed for the door, and asked, “Okay, can I go now?”

I told him that I’d just contact my landlord directly if the leak were to occur again. Even though he suggested this very thing five minutes earlier, hearing it from me enraged him even more. “Ray is my good friend!” he shouted, “I wouldn’t lie to you, my man.” So, this plumber went from calling me “a gentleman” over the phone the other day to storming out of my apartment and leaving me scratching my head. All I could do was tip my cap to whatever mischievous spirit keeps making me look like a fool when I try to point out broken things to the plumber from hell.

Who made this rule?

October 6th, 2006

Who says when you guess you have to come closest without going over? That’s ridiculous. If I guess the temperature outside right now is 61 degrees and someone else guesses 41 degrees, when it’s actually 60 degrees outside, then why should that other person win? He was 19 degrees off and I was only 1 degree off. Doesn’t accuracy count for something? Clearly, that other person was guessing low to be safe, rather than guessing to be accurate.

I can sort of understand this rule if you’re talking about money, like on The Price is Right. Afterall, there are times where I’ve gone into the supermarket with $20 and a mission to come as close to spending that $20 without going over because I made an oath not to use my debit card that day. So, for pricing games it’s okay, but not for any other type of game. Instead, reward accuracy and stop perpetuating this archaic rule.

We’re moving to California

October 6th, 2006

Holy Moly!

We’re moving to California.