Archive for December, 2006

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Catching you up on my Christmas

December 19th, 2006

* This is the very first time ever that I have a Christmas tree of my own. I will admit that I was being rather Scroogelike and it took continued prodding from Swedish Girl to make it happen. Still, it looks great and I love just sitting down at night with only those Christmas tree lights on and admiring it. I’m soaking it all in while it lasts.

* I’m completely flummoxed about the spelling of Hanukkah/Chanukkah. I’ve even seen it spelled Hannukah and maybe Channukah. With a “C,” or without? With two k’s or two n’s? Will somebody please pick a spelling and stick with it!!!

* I may have outdone myself this year. I think I may have picked up all the gifts I need to buy, except one, in one day of mall shopping. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. My arms were sore. But this has been my modus operandi for as long as I can remember. And the fact that I did this on December 16 was a bonus. In certain years, I try to add a degree of difficulty by waiting until December 20-something. I will have one or two gifts to shop for on December 22, but that doesn’t count, since all the heavy shopping is over.

* God bless Fox Family Channel’s 25 Days of Christmas. Not everything it shows is a winner, but that channel earned its keep by showing the 1974 animated classic “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” This gem used to be shown every year on network TV, but I haven’t noticed it in years and I cannot remember the last time I watched it. Seeing it again the other night instantly made me feel five years-old again. Good times.

* I’m feeling pretty good about getting in the Christmas spirit. The wildly unseasonably warm weather, while nice, hasn’t helped make this December feel like Christmas time. Trimming the tree has really kickstarted the season. Sending/receiving cards has been key. Watching the classic TV specials and Christmas movies probably does the trick the best, though.

* I finally own It’s A Wonderful Life on DVD. This might be my favorite movie ever. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve watched it over the years. Back when I was younger and it was on every TV channel around the clock, I used to watch it whenever I could find it. Then I got it on tape and would watch it every day after school. There were times I’d watch it twice in the same day. I may have watched it at least 100 times by now. But adult life is trickier these days. Free time is harder to come by. My viewings have diminished over the last several years, mostly because I didn’t own a copy and because NBC only aired it twice a season. But I channeled the 13 year-old Cool Jesus and stayed up past 2am the other night to watch it. I think I’ve rediscovered that this film is instrumental in turning on my Christmas spirit.

The bottom line is that rekindling childhood memories from when times were simpler is what Christmas is all about.

2 comments »

Posted in Heartwarming, Holidays

Christmas Card Chronology

December 15th, 2006

I haven’t always been good about sending Christmas cards. I think the first year I actually sat down to send a whole bunch of them was my sophomore year of college when I wasn’t able to go home and see family and friends for more than a few hours. That was 10 years ago and I have probably missed a year or two in that span. The thing that kept me going was when I would still receive Christmas cards even during the years that I hadn’t sent out any or from people who weren’t on my list. It was a great feeling to know that my friends and family were still thinking of me, even if I had been too busy, too lazy, or too forgetful to think of them.

I’ve been on a roll over the last few years, however. I love sending out cards just as much as I love receiving them. I tend to send out my cards a little earlier than most people. That means that most cards start trickling in to me after all of my recipients have received their cards from me. I often wonder if I would have still received a Christmas card from person X if I hadn’t sent him/her a card. So my question to you is, does such a thing matter to you? Does it matter at all to most people? I certainly don’t want person X thinking, ‘Oh, Cool Jesus sent me a card. Great, now I have to blow thirty-nine cents and send him one, too.’

The bottom line is that it’s a nice gesture for these people to send me a card, but that doesn’t quite extinguish the wondering about whether they were coerced to send me a card after having received my card. Okay, I’ll go lay down now.

1 comment »

Posted in Holidays

Snowclone (A phrase must die)

December 15th, 2006

Over the past year I’ve noticed that one phrase in particular has grown out of control. I’ll admit I’ve used it, I enjoyed it, but now it’s time to put it to rest. While the actual phrase itself may vary, it bears the same meaning.

The phrase is:

X is the new Y.

Or more commonly:
X is the new black.

Doing a quick search on , I found the phrase’s origins:

The phrase is commonly attributed to Gloria Vanderbilt, who upon visiting India in the 1960s noted the prevalence of pink in the native garb. She declared that “Pink is the new black”, meaning that the color pink seemed to be the foundation of the attire there, much like black was the base color of most ensembles in New York.

This led me to find out that this specific phrase is also known as a “:”

Snowclone is a neologism used to describe a type of formula-based cliché which uses an old idiom in a new context. The term emphasizes the use of a familiar (and often particular) formula and previous cultural knowledge of the reader to express information about an idea. The idea being discussed is usually contextually different in meaning from the original use of that formula, but can be understood using the same trope as the original formulation.[citation needed]
A common example of a snowclone is “X is the new Y

I don’t quite grasp what this means, and I never intended for this diatribe to become a hodgepodge of technical terms. I just wanted to discuss a cease and desist order for a specific phrase in the English language.

What did it in for me was something I saw on the ‘Today Show’ this past Monday. It was a fluff piece called ’10 is the new 15,’ discussing how girls are starting to act like teenagers at a much younger age. At this point, I thought to myself that there is no end in sight for this phrase, unless it be stopped immediately. Therefore at 8:17 a.m. on Monday, December 10, 2006 December 11, 2006, I officially announced that this phrase has died.

Now let’s all rally around and stop this ridiculous phrase before it spirals out of control, if it’s not too late. Who’s with me?

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5 comments »

Posted in Complaint Department, Death

Checkout Lane

December 12th, 2006

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m pretty set in my ways regarding the way things should be done and how people should behave, etc. For instance, I’m real big on personal space. That isn’t abnormal or one of my peculiarities, though. I know lots of people who value varying sized spheres of personal space. Which leads me to the supermarket checkout lane.

Sometimes we have to bag our own groceries and I’m fine with that (I cannot stand the uppity snobs who refuse to bag their own groceries even when there is no bagger. They just let their items pile up and wait for the poor cashier to bag everything. This isn’t akin to a restaurant where we expect to be served by a waiter or waitress. Otherwise, we’d all tip the grocery bagger, and I don’t see that going on), so I slide down to the end and get busy. When done, I slide back to the cashier area to pay and find that the customer behind me has entered my personal space. This happens more than half the time. Since I’m not about to lean and stretch to give the cashier my money, I have to make sure I get my message across to the offending customer. This entails an aggravated what the fuck are you doing, moron? look with palms raised upward, and a crisp, no-nonsense “excuse me.”

However, that diatribe wasn’t the meaning for this entry; I just started thinking about supermarkets and my mind wandered to that gigantic pet peeve. I’m taking an informal poll about supermarket checkout lane etiquette. Yesterday, while in line, the woman ahead of me saw that my hands were full and placed the plastic divider on the conveyor belt after her items. First question: Is this an action that expressly benefits me and, thus, requires a ‘thank you?’ A minute or two later, after I had drifted off into my thoughts, the man behind me grabbed a divider and placed it on the conveyor after my items. Second question: Was it my duty to be the one to place the divider on the belt?

5 comments »

Posted in Complaint Department, Nonsense

Getting by with a little help

December 8th, 2006

The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I put a Breathe Right strip on the bridge of my nose and thought about all the products we all use to help us survive from day to day. It would be nice to get by without the use of all these ointments, oils, gels, wraps, creams, tonics, and elixirs. Of course, Swedish Girl was busy applying Icy Hot (“icy to dull the pain, hot to relax it away”) to her mysteriously wounded foot at the same time. I’ve been putting off using Icy Hot for a long time now, but if I just dived in and bought the tubes and patches I need, then I’d keep that company in business.

I’ve become sort of like Joseph Merrick (the “Elephant Man”), in that my breathing is labored and heavy when I lie down. I suppose I should see my doctor about this, but I hate doctors. Instead, I’ll just factor a couple of boxes of Breathe Right strips into my budget every month and add another “getting by” aide to the list. What are some of your “getting by” aides? Besides the strips, I cannot go a day without mint lip balm. And now that the dry, frigid air of winter is upon us, I will be stocking up on skin lotion. And, of course, I’ll break down soon enough and start applying Icy Hot patches to various parts of my body. What about you?

3 comments »

Posted in Health, Life

Miss Possible, Slot Machine Ninja

December 7th, 2006
The Slot Machine Ninja at MONEY STORM!

Ok, it’s official. I’ve never seen anything like it. Miss Possible gets the official title of Slot Machine Ninja. After our recent weekend in Las Vegas, NV, I witnessed first-hand her obsession with the one-armed bandit. But, it’s not just an obsession — she wins. She defies logic.

Throughout the course of the weekend I played a number of Slot Machines and saw the bonus stage on two machines. She must’ve seen the bonus round on practically every type of machine in the casino. Or at least on the machines that piqued her interest. I’ve also never seen anyone consistently win over $100 on two seperate penny-slot machines in a span of 15 minutes. Not to mention the late-night “$1 to $100″ conversions that happened on the slots.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we both ended up losing quite a bit of cash.. I was a victim to the Craps tables, while MP was the target of these same Slot Machines that were also so kind to her. She lost more than I did, for sure. She bailed my A$$ out in BlackJack quite a bit, if I recall correctly (it was 7am afterall).

So, why then, is she dubbed a Ninja do you ask? Well, she’s as quiet as a ninja when she stalks her various slot machine victims. You’ll leave her at one machine and 5 minutes later she’s across the casino. She has a very specific rhythm and timing to her machines and if she’s not “feeling it” she’s off like the proverbial prom dress. Leave her for 15 minutes and she may have hit as nearly as many slot machines in that time — looking for the perfect victim. That perfect machine just waiting to dish out oodles of cash to one lucky player.

One machine of note is the one pictured — ‘Money Storm’ — in which she played $.02 bids and ended up getting a total of 40+ free ‘Scatter’ spins in a matter of five minutes. The machine blaring “It’s Raining Men” as Tornados swept across the screen and racked up big bucks. She ended up walking away from the machine with over $110 when she was down to less than $1.

All-in-all it was a fantastic trip, and it was great to see the Captain and Mrs. Larby. So many jokes, such a good time. We learned so much:
- About nurses from Kansas
- MP will NOT accept Pepsi as a substitute for Coke
- Rubbing a Buddah’s belly will not bring better luck
- That sherry’s is JUST LIKE the Candy Mountain
- That O’Sheas is the Craziest place on the Strip
- It’s OK to wear wigs in Vegas
- And that MP is definitely a Slot Machine Ninja.

More Photos

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Posted in Life, Vacation

The Urbs

December 2nd, 2006

While I was walking to a neighborhood pizzeria the other night, I realized that I live in one of the oddest neighborhoods that I’ve ever truly noticed. It’s in the outskirts of Boston, so it is urban, but borders on the suburban in spots. Right in my immediate vicinity, there are big old houses juxtaposed with big old apartment and condo buildings. There are gas stations everywhere. Pizzerias everywhere. Auto mechanic garages everywhere. A KFC, a K of C hall, some pseudo-strip malls, a couple of car washes, a bar that I’m nervous to enter, a church next door, and a school and a fire station across the street. There is a Dunkin Donuts with the strangest hours of operation ever – it seems to close at 4pm some days and 6:30pm other days, but always closes early.

While walking to the pizzeria, I passed one of the few houses on my main street (tucked right next to an auto mechanic garage, of course) and just as I was taking in how strange it was that they still had their Halloween decorations up in the front of the house, I noticed their Christmas tree in the window. Quite frankly, the juxtaposition was horrifying.

Last week, as Swedish Girl and I were returning home from a Black Friday shopping excursion, we passed the combination gas station/auto mechanic garage/used car lot, which is across the street from the package store and Salvadorean restaurant by the way, and as I was drooling over a late 1960s Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham convertible, we noticed how this was the most disapointing used car lot we’d ever seen. Not for its selection of cars, but for it’s laziness. Most used car dealers wash, wax, and vacuum the cars to make them look as appealing as possible. Not this place. The cars were dirty, dusty, and shabby (not the Caddy, though).

And with all of this going on around us, it is still home. It’s still were I look forward to ending up each night. Go figure.

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Posted in Bizarre, Boston