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March 21st, 2008

I have a lot of pet peeves.  Grammar mistakes, both spoken and written, are among the worst in my book.  Someone taped a note up in my building stating that “…the carpets are going to be ripped up and replaced with the week.”  Well, that sign went up at the beginning of this week.  It’s now Friday evening.  The old carpets are still out there in the common areas.  There seems to be an epidemic of people using “within the week” rather than “within a week.”  There’s a big difference between the two and most people seem to neither notice nor care.  Within the week would have meant that the carpets should be ripped up by now.  Within a week means that the management company still has a few days to make good on their claim.  This type of sloppiness comes into play in my job once in a while, too.  If someone requests something of me “within a week,” then I make damn sure to clarify their timeframe because the people that use both terms interchangably are the same people that will nail me for not reading their mind and not doing something within the (five-business-day) week instead of within a (seven-day) week. 

After a long layoff, it feels good to be back at the old complaint department.

*I’ve Just Been Handed An Urgent and Terrifying Newsflash*

March 14th, 2008

CANNONBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Typecast?

August 5th, 2007

I may be in the minority on this earth for many reasons. One of them, in particular, is that I have never read a Harry Potter book or seen a Harry Potter movie. One other point of minority pride is the fact that I’ve never eaten a Big Mac, but that is fodder for another time. When the latest Harry Potter book and movie were released recently, the first thing I did was yawn. Then I scratched and adjusted myself. Then I held on tight and prepared myself for the non-stop media barrage of all things Harry. I tried to avoid most of it, but then I caught a glimpse of a J.K. Rowling interview and heard that the next Potter book will be her last. The thought that popped into mind was, ‘will she be typecast?’ (or whatever the corresponding term is for novelists)

If so, I’m sure she’ll be just fine. Afterall, Ms. Rowling is a billionaire the last time I checked. I have friends and co-workers who have read her Potter books and marvel at Rowling’s vivid imagery and knack for weaving a great yarn. However, after the wave of media coverage ends with the release of the final Potter tale, will the world forget about J.K. Rowling? Will she even bother to top what she did with Potter and company? Will she quit while she’s ahead and enter a different field in the entertainment industry? Or will she just quit, enjoy her riches, and enter the J.D. Salinger phase of her life?

De Do Do Do De Da Da Da

July 29th, 2007

While sitting at Fenway Park last night, I had a grand vision that I’d log on once I got home and pound out a post-midnight blog about my night at the Police concert.  I was dreaming of bringing that “hot off the press” auro to The Diatribe.  Sadly, that didn’t happen.  Oh well, what’s a 12-hour difference, right?  Say what you will about aging rock stars reuniting strictly for money.  Say what you will about how said rock stars are just going through the motions.  Say what you will about seeing rock stars in concert “when it matters” and not some decades later.  I can hear those arguments ad nauseum.  I will listen patiently and then when you’re done, I’ll give you a giant raspberry.  The Police were phenomenal.  I waited over 20 years for this tour and these three guys delivered.  And then some.

Stewart, Andy, and Sting played for well over 2 hours and had the crowd of 35,000 whipped into a frenzy.  Several times during the show, I looked around in awe at the crowd.  It was a level of excitement so different from that of a Red Sox game at Fenway.  The lights were turned off, which was a huge asset to setting the right ambiance.  The only lights came from the stage in center field, and a few hundred arm-high cigarette lighters. 

Nothing could get me down last night.  Not the pre-show downpours, which luckily subsided before the concert.  Not the dew point of 70 and the air so thick with humidity that you couldn’t cut it with a chainsaw.  Although, one thing that did come close to driving me to distraction was the constantly dripping pipe directly over my head.  Condensation from this pipe, some 25 feet above me, kept me moist and and annoyed all night.  You just gotta love a 95-year-old ball park.  However, this was offset by the presence of a “celebrity” two rows ahead of me. 

Early in the show, the sweet smell of weed wafted through the air.  I was just waiting for a major bust, since there were seemingly hundreds of Boston cops at the park.  But the smell subsided and any arrests were put on hold.  But later on, I discovered the smoker.  It was a man two rows in front of me who was the spitting image of Comic Book Guy from ’The Simpsons.’  Tipping the scale at 300 pounds – check.  Tent-sized t-shirt – check.  Dark shorts – check.  Scraggly goatee - check.  Graying ponytail – check.  Glasses – check.  If only I could have heard his voice, like if he had declared, “Worst Police concert ever.”  To sum up, the guy smoked up a few times, got away with it, and his wife didn’t seem too pleased about his antics.

Anyway, I’m still jazzed about the show.  Looking forward to being back there tonight.  It may be corny, but a thought that ran through my head last night was that now I can die happy. 

Adjusting slowly

July 14th, 2007

Aloha. I’m back. I don’t really have any Diatribe-worthy pieces at the moment, but I wanted to touch base. I actually just scrapped the beginning of an extremely boring tale about my trevails in trying to smoke a pipe. No one wants to hear that, I’m sure. I just spent the first half of the day cleaning and disinfecting my apartment and now I feel sick. Cracking a window to diffuse the fumes didn’t help. See, isn’t this all fascinating stuff?

Oh, I’m not sure if I had mentioned this at the time or not, but one of the events that sent me into my Diatribe hiatus tailspin was when someone crashed into my car (while I was home in bed) and took off without leaving a note. I had to deal with insurance adjustors, appraisers, and other assorted dicks. I had been under a raincloud since then, but now the rest of this summer will be the Summer of Cool Jesus.

Who are you again?

July 12th, 2007

I just realized that I missed the entire month of June here on The Diatribe, along with a portion of May and almost half of July.  Sorry about that.  I’m back now and just wanted to check in and say ‘hey.’   I’ve missed out on so many Diatribe-worthy topics, but the break was much needed.  The only problem, besides, being rusty, is having the feeling that I’m a visitor, an outsider, now.  For those of you out there who don’t know me, I used to be a regular participant around these parts.  Hope to get back to that old regularity. 

I know I’ll catch all sorts of (completely worthy) shit for this, but my Diatribe downfall can directly be traced to the shearing of my hair.  I guess Samson was right and Delilah knew what she was doing.  The last time I was in this predicament (some 7.5 years ago), I said never again.  Someone once said to never say never again.  And I won’t.  But I’m sure thinking it. 

Just checking in

May 16th, 2007

I’m relieved that CBS decided to renew ‘How I Met Your Mother’ for a third season.  My man Petro, who is also a big fan, sent me the good news earlier today and I was probably more happy than I should have been, considering it’s “just a TV show.”  Having such a clutch show on Monday nights is immeasurably good for my psyche.  When I come home on Monday evening after being slapped around by the post-weekend workday return, it’s nice to come home and have something to look forward to.  Something to take my mind off everything.

Having at least one good show on a Monday night really shortens the week.  Tuesdays suck.  Wednesdays suck.  Thursdays are stellar.  And then Fridays are all about going out and getting liquored up.  Incidentally, it’s just about summertime and the best TV series EVER is already in the midst of its 106th season.  That’s right, Red Sox baseball.  At least CBS can’t threaten to cancel that.  Only Mother Nature can do that, and that’s why on nights like tonight I’m sitting here blogging rather than watching the game.  Lucky you.