Last weekend, I mentioned to some of the staunchest readers of The Diatribe that I wrote my previous blog entry while somewhat drunk.  It was, as far as I can recall, the only time I’ve written a serious entry while drunk.  Under the circumstances, I’m glad it was well received.  I was having doubts about the fact that I let too many feelings or emotions come out, which I usually try to keep in check.  I’m not saying that this will start a trend, but it’s good to keep in mind.

Late last week, I was talking to a co-worker and, knowing that Swedish Girl is still out of the country, he said, “Be good this weekend.  Don’t be going all crazy.”  I told him that it promised to be a low-key weekend because I was driving down to a baptism (party…as it turned out).  I then mentioned just how strange it is when your friends grow up and start having kids.  I still haven’t gotten over the fact that my friends are now married, and now they’re having babies.  I know I’m a few pounds heavier, a few steps slower, and my hair…well, I don’t want to talk about that…but I still feel young.  On the inside, I still feel like I did 10 years ago, which means that I feel like a college senior whose friends are all marrying off and having babies.  It just seemed to happen so fast.

A good friend once uttered to Captain Larby and me just about the best thing anyone’s ever told me, “Love is a dog from hell.”  And that is just as true as it ever was, but aging is also a dog.  With Swedish Girl not being around for the big baptism celebration party last weekend, being there solo made me feel like I did during all those crazy times when we were all in our 20s.  Time keeps marching on, though, and I’m not saying that marriage and babies are bad.  I’m halfway there myself and may end up having kids of my own someday. 

I have to thank Perry for trying to snap me out of my pensive daydreams last weekend.  I couldn’t adequately explain where I was coming from, so it probably sounded more like I felt old, as in tired, worn down, and crotchety.  But like I wrote earlier, it’s a mental thing.  I’m not fond of being 31 and I’ve fought these steps to adulthood tooth and nail along the way, only to fall victim to each and every one of them so far.  College, real life job, marriage, responsibility, et al.

That co-worker of mine is 49, by the way.  In retrospect, he put everything in perspective days before I even realized it.  “Cool Jesus,” he said, “you think you feel old now, you just wait until your friends start becoming grandparents.”

One of the greatest thing about our wedding was seeing so much family and friends that I’ve not seen in years! One such family member is my cousin, jjj, who I had not seen since I was about 18 — twelve years ago. After hanging out at the wedding and some back-and-forth via email, I realized that he would make a great addition to the collaborative diatribe that is The Diatribe * net.

After much careful deliberation, jjj agreed agreed to join up and contribute. So stay tuned and put your kidneys together to help me welcome our newest author — jjj.

I wanted to pass along a huge congratulations to the newlyweds. You guys threw an awesome 2 day party, replete with softball, horshoes, Fa-Jy-Ta’s, B-Side, Growlers, Jazz Hands the photographer, racing-stripe shoes, holding the chuppah and signing the ketubah, The Zohan, Gogol Bordello, Blinded by the Light, German lessons and much, much more.

Enjoy your time together, you deserve it!

Hi Diatribers,

I’ve managed to update Flickr with our latest photos from the Holidays in Massachusetts as well as our New Years Eve celebrations.

Check them out at Flickr or browse the photos right here on The Diatribe.

I just realized that I missed the entire month of June here on The Diatribe, along with a portion of May and almost half of July.  Sorry about that.  I’m back now and just wanted to check in and say ‘hey.’   I’ve missed out on so many Diatribe-worthy topics, but the break was much needed.  The only problem, besides, being rusty, is having the feeling that I’m a visitor, an outsider, now.  For those of you out there who don’t know me, I used to be a regular participant around these parts.  Hope to get back to that old regularity. 

I know I’ll catch all sorts of (completely worthy) shit for this, but my Diatribe downfall can directly be traced to the shearing of my hair.  I guess Samson was right and Delilah knew what she was doing.  The last time I was in this predicament (some 7.5 years ago), I said never again.  Someone once said to never say never again.  And I won’t.  But I’m sure thinking it. 

That’s right.. we’ve got a number of visitors coming over the next few weekends.. Arriving this evening is none-other than The Captain and his wife, Mrs. Larby… We’re looking forward to hosting them for a weekend of California fun.

And then arriving next Friday is my dad and his fiancee, who are exploring the beautiful state of Oregon for a week or so before they make their way down to the exquisite Silicon Valley. We hope to show them a great time in our new neck of the woods as well.

All-in-all it should be a very exciting couple of weeks!

Several years ago, when my friend “Vandelay Industries” was still working in my office, we shared a cube wall for a while. I don’t know how we got any work done, because the days were filled with conversations, cracks, and office pranks. One day, I happened to make a comment about Hilary Swank and Vandelay just snapped. He made it clear that he did not find her attractive and could not stand to even hear her name. I had definitely tapped into something and I kept pressing. I would email him pictures of Ms. Swank and gush about how hot she is.

Note: I was not at all enamored with her at the time, but neither did I feel the distaste for her that Vandelay did. I merely felt that she was attractive, but had a overly toothy smile.

Over the last three years, I’ve made it a point to bring up Hilary Swank in conversation with Vandelay. It’s not as fun as it was then, because I can’t see his disgusted reaction in person. However, a couple of weeks ago, we were at a convenience store and I made a point of showing him Swank’s Esquire cover and the spicy pictorial inside. He just looked away.

Here’s the point, and this is an admission to Vandelay: I did not have nearly as high an opinion of Hilary Swank back then as I let on, but it was just too much of a comedy goldmine to let go. So I artificially amped up my love for Swank and it just grossed him out. The funny thing is, I ended up convincing myself that I think she’s mighty attractive (as long as she’s not smiling that giant toothy grin). I wasn’t sure when I would ever let Vandelay in on this gag, but this is as good a time as any. Why? you ask - because he emailed me a Howard Stern Show-induced admission a few days ago. I’ll save him the indignation of the exact quote, but let’s just say he’d have a date with Hilary.

So, the gag is kind of over, which is sad. But I feel that I’ve won a major victory. Happy Belated April Fools’ Day (for 2004-2007), Vandelay!