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The Tattoo

January 26th, 2010

For over ten years I’ve wanted a tattoo. I’ve wanted to get something that not only signifies who I am, but something that I will always appreciate. I’ve always felt that having something permanently etched into your body is an important decision and for the longest time I was leaning towards getting my name tattooed in hebrew. I felt this was appropriate as it was two things that would never change: My Judaism and my name.

While I liked this idea, I was never excited about it enough to actually get it done. In light of all that I went through in 2009, I finally came up with my idea for a tattoo. In continuing with the Hebrew theme, I’ve decided to get “Never Forget” or more specifically “Never  Will I Forget” tattooed in hebrew.

There are many reasons for my decision, but mainly I never want to forget all that I have learned in the past year.  I’ve learned about myself, relationships, the importance of your health, and most importantly, I’ve learned who I am. Additionally, the concept of “Never Forget” in Judaism relates to the importance of never forgetting what happened to the Jewish people during the Holocaust. I really like the dual meaning and I’m very excited to get my new tattoo this coming weekend.

While I haven’t finalized my decision on the font / design, I have yet to decide where I want to get it as well. Originally, I was thinking that I wanted to get it centered between my shoulder blades — however I’ve started to lean towards my right arm, as I feel as though it’s important to get it someplace I can easily see it, considering the message.

I’m getting it done at Black Heart Tatto, in San Francisco by Juan Puente. Before I get it, he said that he could do a stick-on stencil so I could see what it looks like on me before anything permanent is done. I may need to see it before I decide. I have narrowed it down to one of the following three fonts, but fortunately, I still have a few days to figure out the details.

Tattoo

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Posted in Life

The latest and greatest

October 14th, 2009

I had my latest doctor’s appointment this morning, and it didn’t go nearly as planned. Going into it, I had expected one of two outcomes:
a) I’d be put on enzyme therapy, my feeding tube would be removed, and I’d be free to start eating food again.
b) I’d be put on enzyme therapy, my feeding tube would NOT be removed, but I’d have a follow-up appointment scheduled for another week or so if all goes well.

I wasn’t expecting a third possible outcome: none of the above. More specifically, or vaguely if you prefer, the outcome was:
c) I don’t know what’s wrong, but let’s just wait 2 more weeks and see if it goes away.

If this was the first time I’ve heard this, I’d be ok with it. Instead, I’ve heard this same line pretty much every time I’ve seen this doctor for the past two months. I probably could’ve had my endoscopy scheduled for a month ago and the same result mild scarring would’ve been found. At that point, waiting two weeks to see if I got better would be an acceptable and viable option. At this stage, however, I am not going to continue to just idly wait while nothing seems to be improving. Especially if the only thing wrong with me is that I have scar tissue on my pancreas that is causing the discomfort — when was the last time you saw a scar heal itself in two weeks?

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And the endoscopy says…

October 9th, 2009

This past Wednesday, I trucked into El Camino Hospital to get an endoscopy to find out what the heck is going on down there in my pancreatic region. The procedure was quicker and more painless than I had remembered from the last time I had one of these (10+ years ago) and I’m scheduled for an appointment on Wednesday to discuss what the results mean.

Basically, they found that there is some permanent damage to my pancreas. This likely means some pretty dramatic lifestyle changes from here on out, which is to be expected. I think the biggest question that comes to mind, however, is how long I may have had pancreatic issues.

I’ve been struggling with digestive problems (lactose intolerance among other things) for over 10 years. I remember back in Boston just after I graduated college, that I had spent several months going to a gastroenterologist going through various tests (colonoscopies, endoscopies, barium swallows, and other fun things) to try to identify the cause of these issues.

Nothing was conclusive, and the doctor said it was likely just a bad case of GERD (acid reflux) and we’ve left it at that. The daily doses of Protonix have helped keep the stomach pain to a minimum over the years, but this case of pancreatitis very well may have been the last straw.

I’m obviously speculating here. What surprises me the most about this condition is that it’s most likely linked to alcohol. In my case, over the last 10 years, I rarely drank over the medical recommendation for alcohol drinks for a male (14 drinks/week). This does not necessarily mean that the alcohol could not have impacted this. If I had a pre-existing condition, even small amounts of alcohol may have made this worse. This in combination with my high cholesterol could very well have led to gallbladder issues and other digestive problems.

That said, regardless of what got me here — it looks like I’m going to be managing this condition for the rest of my life. I will most certainly know more once I talk to the doctor on Wednesday. I’m just hoping for some kind of path to short term resolution of the immediate symptoms (ie. NOT EATING) and being able to get back to work and my life. I miss being around people and this entire situation is wearing on my patience.

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What I’ve been up to..

October 5th, 2009

It’s been quite a while since I’ve come ’round these parts. It’s been a hectic couple of months, for those of you that know me well.

The Design
The look of The Diatribe was driving me nuts. It didn’t feel right. I needed to revert it to a more blog-like style. I figured this was a little more appropriate. Considering the lack of authorship from my cohorts, I’ve also personalized it a little more for your truly. I’m not kicking anyone out of The Diatribe, just personalizing it, considering I have more than 3/4 of the posts on here. :)

Where am I
I moved up to the Big City a few months ago. It was partially this move that probably prompted my downfall, but I’ve taken up residence in the Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco — which is right about here (and no, that’s not my house):

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My Health
Over the past two months, I’ve been battling a terrible case of pancreatitis that was brought on most likely by a gallstone. I spent 2.5 weeks in the hospital (two of them, actually) and the rest of the time I’ve spent resting in bed and on the couch laying down. In my most recent doctor’s visit, I found out that I was no longer suffering symptoms caused from my pancreas, but it’s most likely that the gallstone that caused this little issue is now in some inappropriate place in my innards, causing the pain and discomfort.

I’ve been on a lovely feeding tube for the past 2+ months, and would die for some pizza, chicken wings or pad thai. Regardless, I have a procedure scheduled for this Wednesday to find that little bugger and then I should know more about my return to normalcy.

Conclusion
So, for the most part, I won’t be updating the Diatribe that regularly. It’s more of a place to put some thoughts or commentary that is longer than 140 characters. So, stay tuned.. but don’t expect a flood of new bathroom reading material to crop up here. We’ll take it in stride. :)

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Posted in California, Life

Excitement in the cats!

December 12th, 2008

Less than a block from our house here in Los Gatos, a train derailed causing a main road in Los Gatos/Campbell to be shut down. I missed the action, though Winchester is expected to be shut down through tomorrow morning. For full details of the story, visit the Los Gatos Observer.

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Posted in California, News

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Did LTJ sign up for this?

October 21st, 2008

Poor LTJ… we lived together long enough before getting married that he had to know what he was getting in to, but I still don’t envy him dealing with me in the mornings. Anyone who has ever tried to get me up can sympathize with LTJ’s plight. At our wedding, my mom happily handed the torch off to him.

Here’s a funny incident from this morning (last night I told him to try to wake me up early… hahaha):

LTJ: Trying to wake Miss Possible up.
Miss Possible: Fighting not to get up
LTJ: I don’t know how I’m supposed to wake you up, if you don’t want to. You ask me to wake you up, then you yell at me. What am I supposed to do??
Miss Possible: Leave me the F alone! Go read the documentation and leave me alone!!!
LTJ: Read the documentation on what?
Miss Possible: Stop asking me how to do things, and just go read the documentation for yourself!

Later today my wonderful husband wants to confirm that I got up and reiterates to me this lovely story. His final words on the subject: Would you care to write said documentation?

I guess I was having a nightmare about all the documentation I wrote last night ;-)

The sad thing is this isn’t even close to the worst of these wake up stories.

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Posted in Family, Life

9/11

September 11th, 2008

Hard to believe it’s been 7 years.  I was just a young 24-year-old kid when America was under attack.  I remember every detail of that day vividly.  I woke up in the morning just like every other work day.  I drove north on Route 93 just like I had been doing all summer.  Just as I hit Somerville and the Schraft’s building, Howard Stern and the gang broke the news of the plane hitting the first tower.  They, and most of the Western world, thought it was just an accident, so they treated it lightly.  By the time I reached my office, the second plane had struck and the world knew it was no accident.  We all changed that day.  It was my generation’s JFK and RFK rolled into one.  I’ll never forget where I was, who I was with, who I called, and what I did that day.  It was all a blur, but it’s remained crystal clear in my memory.  I ended 9/11/01 by driving straight to my precinct voting station and voting in that year’s local primaries.  It was my way of using citizenry to not let the terrorists win.  Each year, on each successive anniversary of 9/11, we cope a little better, we get a little bit more normal, we get on with our lives as usual, but we always remember.  Here’s to hoping that we’ll always remember, but we’ll always remember to not let the terrorists win.

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Posted in Life, New York