Category Archives: Life

Need to sound off about life? This would be the place to go.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

I lived the life for four months.  Man, it was sweet.  I walked around in my boxers, cranked up the stereo at 6:30 in the morning, and didn’t have to compromise with anyone.  I’ve now been thrust into a new routine.  It’s been less than 24 hours, but I miss my freedom already.  My two old roommates moved out over the summer and I had primarily had the house to myself for four months.  Sure, Petro moved in in September, but he has his own floor, so I was able to maintain my routine and protect my space.  Last night, a third roommate, Hulk, moved in and the adjustment is going to take me a little while.

I haven’t had to discuss morning shower routines since May or June, but I did just that last night.  As a man, I don’t have a plethora of shower products, but what I do have had been spread across the four corners of my tiny bathroom.  Last night, I had to rein in that apparatus (towel, shampoo, soap dish, et al.) and watch as Hulk’s apparatus appeared before my very eyes. 

Our cozy kitchen has the added feature of a pantry.  Just one more thing on my list to clear out so Hulk will have space for his food and dishware.  Same for the refrigerator, which seems to already be full of Petro’s and my food.  Yet, like it or not, we’ll have to consolidate and make room for Hulk.

Sure, these are small concessions.  I don’t mean to whine about them, but hey, this is The Diatribe, remember?  It would be difficult for anyone to readjust to a new routine after four months of nirvana.  I’m trying to look on the bright side and remember that my rent will decrease, along with my heat, electric, and cable TV bills.  So what if I have to put some clothes on when I balance my checkbook, right?

Now, if he’s sitting in my chair watching my TV when I get home, heaven help me…

Turkey Lukey-dee, Turkey-Lurkey-dap, I Shoot That Turkey and I Take a Nap

On my drive into work a couple of weeks ago, I saw a dead wild turkey on the side of the road.  It was odd to see such a large bird reduced to roadkill.  That ignomious end usually reserved for small rodents and dumb animals.  However, turkeys are allegedly as dumb as they come.  Nonetheless, it’s not their fault.  I also saw nearly half a dozen dead deer on the side of the highways of Connecticut and New York a couple of weeks ago.  Deer are not dumb animals.  No, it’s our fault.  We’re taking their land and building shopping malls and superhighways on it.  Here’s a piece in the local Canton (Massachusetts) Journal (on that would turn Morrissey white hot with animal rights rage, especially when one considers how WE pushed the turkeys out of their natural habitat, WE fed them and trained them to linger in a residential neighborhood, and now WE are killing them.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t enjoy our turkeys on Thanksgiving.  I’m just saying that we have to stop fucking up the delicate balance between man, beast, and nature.  It’s already too late for many, many species of flora and fauna.  Let’s not wipe them all out, especially considering how WE are the ones most deserving of endangerment.

Three of the Chapman turkeys killed
By Shannon Haley Daggett/ Staff Writer
Friday, November 18, 2005

On Tuesday, a commercial trapper shot three turkeys with arrows after officials called for action due to numerous complaints that the turkeys were threatening human safety in the Chapman Street area.

"I don’t enjoy this, and I hope the rest of the turkeys move on because they don’t see this as a safe area anymore," said Animal Control Officer Ellen Barnett.

Last week, Barnett said two male toms were the aggressors in this group of turkeys, around a dozen or two, and removing these two may take care of the problem. One of the male toms was killed Tuesday, along with another young male and a female who was caught in the crossfire.

The three turkeys were disposed, Barnett said, instead of used for food.

"We don’t know what they’ve been eating, and to be on the safe side" they were disposed, she said.

The turkeys came to the Chapman Street area about a year ago, said Selectman Victor Del Vecchio, who lives on Chapman Street.

"What started as a charming anecdote turned into a public safety issue," he said last week.

Del Vecchio said he favored relocating them but realized that option wasn’t a reality.

According to Jim Cardoza, a wildlife biologist for Massachusetts Division of Wildlife and Fisheries, the two toms were chasing down people on Chapman Street.

"We’re not going to relocate an animal to another area that is aggressive," he said.

The turkeys reportedly never physically harmed a person.

The turkeys claimed the Chapman Street area as their territory because people were feeding them, Barnett said.

"People would sit in traffic and feed the turkeys out of the car window," she said. "If people would have listened and not feed the wildlife, this would not have happened."

Barnett said she loves wildlife and this situation was tough.

"They’re (turkeys) beautiful animals who belong in the woods," she said. "But we’re not leaving too many woods."

ACO hopes remaining turkeys move on.

The next big thing?

It’s over. It’s over and I’ve had some sort of post-wedding depression (and it wasn’t even my wedding). It’s so bizzare, but everyone was so excited about Captain Larby and Mrs. Larby’s wedding this weekend that now that is has come and gone, I’m somewhat depressed. What’s the next big thing that I have to look forward to? New Years? Not nearly as exciting.

But, the wedding was unbelieveable. I didn’t burst into flames, sitting in the front pew of Father Curly’s Church (and I did learn how to Gyroscope or Gyroflect or something like that). The ceremony was beautiful. The reception was unforgettable, and the Vietnamese Hour was something that I will dream of forever. The combination of dozens of different desserts, pyrotechnics and a chocolate waterfall is something that should tradition in all weddings. We Jews, we’ve got a few things going for us when it comes to weddings &emdash; but I mean, this dessert tradition is awesome. We’ll need to coordinate something like this &emdash; all dairy free, of course &emdash; for my wedding. We’ll see.

It was so great to see everyone this weekend, and I’m glad to see that everyone is doing well. Hopefully I’ll get some pics up sometime this week. I took over 120 pictures (even with my dying camera battery — thank you again, Miss Possible), so it might take some time to get everything up and posted. In any event, congrats again to The Captain and His lovely Bride, and I can’t wait to hear all about their Hawaiin Honeymoon upon their return.


Congratulations must be made for our very own Captain Larby who will take the marital plunge this weekend, to our beloved friend Soon-To-Be-Mrs. Larby (who has a real name, but doens’t have a fun, quirky Diatribe name).

In any event, best wishes to the both of them, and may they be happily married forever after.

Larry & Angela at the Red Sox Parade

No more nails

For the past week I’ve had probably 50 ideas of things to write about.. and I just haven’t found the time. Between craziness at work, dinners for the soon-to-be-married couple (ahem) and other nonsense, I just haven’t been able to post.

In any event, here we I am.

For the 67th time in my lifetime, I’m making another attempt to quit biting my nails. This habit has infuriated myself and others to no end. I officially quit last week, and only fell off the wagon a few times (last night, really) — but it’s tough, man.. so much moisturizer..

In honor of trying to quit eating my fingers, I found this fantastic article about Hufu: The Healthy Human Flesh alternative. (The great taste of human flesh without all that guilt). Maybe I’ll start snacking on Hufu, rather than chewing my fingers to shreds. This could be the cure-all.

Today is the first timesince I earned the right of enfranchisement, that I have not taken advantage of it. I do feel guilty (not as guilty as if I had eaten human flesh per se, but still), as I didn’t exercise the right that so many people fought so hard for. The problem was just that I had forgotten to register in time. Lazy excuse, I know, but, it happened. I feel bad. I hope Corzine wins the New Jersey governorship. So it goes.

And finally today, I’d like to plug my Friend Scott’s new masterpiece The Fluffpod. Gawk at will, it’s pretty damn cool.

New changes are coming (if they aren’t already visible) on The Diatribe.. and hopefully I’ll be able to get some sort of Tribute up this week for the Captain and his lovely bride.

How things have changed..

I was having a conversation at the office today about Syracuse. I grew up about an hour from there, and I had mentioned that whenever I drove through there, it always seemed gray and dull. I can’t remember a time when Syracuse looked sunny. Now, I’m sure there is plenty of sunshine in the medium-sized upstate New York city, but, I can’t recollect ever being witness to such an event.

Getting to the point, my co-worker mentioned that he had similar feelings of Syracuse, in that when you’re driving on the NY State Thruway, and you pass Syracuse — there’s nothing really there. You have a lovely view of the Carousel Mall, and that’s about it. Not that Rochester has much more to see from the Thruway — I believe there’s probably even less.. an exit for Fairport I think? I can’t even remember anymore.

I remember as a kid going to the Carousel Mall with my mom.. on sick days or whatever.. we’d venture ALL THE WAY to Syracuse for a day trip. So, I decided to look up this landmark of my childhood on the Internet. What I found shocked me.

It’s not that the Mall doesn’t exist anymore, it stands exactly where it always did.. touting the same old “high-end” retail stores like Circuit City, The Body Shop and Aldo. But, what I found disturbing was this graphic:

I had to investigate further…

After clicking on the image, it took me to the news page, which explains:

Carousel Center has instituted a Parental Escort Policy on Fridays and Saturdays between the hours of 4pm and closing.

Anyone under the age of 18 visiting Carousel Center must be accompanied by a parent or guardian 21 years of age or older. One parent or guardian (21 years of age or older) is permitted to supervise up to five teens. Teens must remain within the company of their parent or guardian. Acceptable proof of age is a driver’s license, state/provincial non-driver ID, military or college ID, passport or visa.

Can you believe this? Can you believe that you now have to be 18 years or older to go to the mall during certain hours? Not only that — but they’re enforcing it, and actually carding people trying to get into the mall?

I remember my teen years (as I’m sure most of the people of my generation do) going to the mall, hanging out, doing absolutely nothing but wandering around, playing games in the arcade, snacks in the foodcourt, and looking at the swimsuit model posters in the back of Spencer Gifts.

I imagine that they must have some sort of problem with youths running rampant in the mall, but still.. You’re now forcing them out to the streets! Or worse yet, if you live in Monson, to some bench out in the middle of nowhere.

Like I said, I don’t know the full details of this, but.. I’m shocked. I can’t imagine what growing up would have been like if I didn’t have a mall that I could go to, and hang out with my friends.

How difficult it must be to be a teen growing up in Syracuse. First no sunshine, and now no Malls. I feel for you poor Syracusians.

’tis the season

<%image(20050420-seda_club.jpg|275|200|Seda Club)%>

Seda’ Club with 50 Cent

The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and the smell of spring is in the air.. This can only mean one thing: Passover.

Yes, friends, it’s that time again.. where myself (being the Token Hebrew) takes on the task of eating unleavened bread for 7 days to remember the days of my forefathers in the land of Egypt.

I’m not going to get all religious on anyone.. That’s not my deal. But, I do want to make note that I am _NOT_ looking forward to keeping Kosher this year. I’ve even had nightmares twice, when thinking about the cardboard like susbstance that I must use to sustain my being for the days of Passover.

I think the main reason that I’ve been dreaded this time of the year so much is partly due to StarMarket, my local grocery store. See, someone at Star ordered all of the Passover Merchandise at the same time as the Easter merchandise. They set up a HUGE display of Kosher items right in front of the entrance sometime between the last week of February and the first week of March.

Typically, this is fine, as Passover and Easter tend to coincide around the same time each year. This year, however, Passover is late and Easter was early. So, I’ve been walking past an array of Kosher Jams, Jellies, Potato Chips and other items for about 2 months now. I try to shield my eyes as I walk past, but often it’s inevitible. I get a glimpse of the yellow, orange, and green packaging the represents Passover to all of my Jewish Breathren.

The “Holiday” begins on Saturday, the night of the first Seder, when Elijah wanders from house to house throwing back glasses of the ‘Schewitz (as he calls it), and protects the houses of the chosen ones from the Angel of Death. It’s at this point that we’re unable to eat anything that has any taste whatsoever. Even most Salad Dressings are not Kosher for passover. How, you ask? No idea.

Either way, I’m really not thrilled with the idea of keeping kosher, but.. what can I say. That’s the price I have to pay to be part of The Tribe.

I had to update this, as I received the absolute best Passover cartoon today. The Seda Club is just too much, even for my non-hebrew friends.